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The Verde Stabber has been tormenting Val Verde for weeks and everything comes to a head on this Halloween episode of 108.9 The Hawk! VAL VERDE POLICE CHIEF JOE PITZOLA (DAN KLEIN) hangs out with Whisp and Geoff in the Rock & Roll RV, to let citizens know it’s probably completely safe for your children to trick or treat.
Sponsored by Channel 8’s “Slaughter In Massacre Woods” and “The Seventh Judas Principle!” Motley Crue’s Dr. Feelgood’s Haunted Memorial Mental Hospital House! Pizza Emporium!
Guest Starring: Dan Klein as Val Verde Police Chief Joe Pitzola
Dan Klein is a TV comedy writer/performer who most recently wrote for season 4 of Miracle Workers on TBS. Dan’s other writing credits include A.P. Bio, Great News, Wet Hot American Summer (Netflix), and Comedy Bang! Bang! His onscreen credits include Search Party, Wet Hot American Summer and Crashing (HBO). Dan was the first white man to co-host two podcasts: Man Thinkers and Bible Brothers. He loves watching basketball and playing Zelda. You may have seen him on the internet dancing to Funkytown.
Check out Bible Brothers here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bible-brothers/id1507819011
108.9 The Hawk was created, written and performed by Jason Gore and Geoff Garlock.
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108.9 The Hawk will return next week with “Start Hearing Sports with Joe Wengert!!!”
A lot of demands, I.
Mean.
Just listen them off.
Just listen.
Don't ask me any questions.
Jesus, Quite a relationship wreck.
What?
Yeah, it's good.
Yeah, I'd love to be in a relationship with Ronnie Van Sant.
Mike, you know, just laying out the love for your relationship right from the start.
Always a good thing he sounds.
It like it is.
I mean, aren't those the people you always want to talk to?
The ones that tell it like it is, tell it like it is.
It is Halloween.
Spooky, scary, spooky, creepy.
I was going to dress up like the Lynyrd Skynyrd playing for Halloween this year, but I decided against it.
I was going to dress up like the ghosts of The Allman Brothers.
Just all of them.
Both of them.
Dwayne, you're going to be Dwayne on wait, it was a Victor Victoria situation.
You're going to be Dwayne on one side.
It's a Victor Vic 2 faced situation.
They would be laughing at Lynyrd Skynyrd for all time in that plane crash and it would be fun because honestly, the ghosts of The Allman Brothers, just telling it like it is.
Can you imagine how good Batman Forever would have been if Two Faced was half Dwayne Allman and half Greg Allman just constantly screaming?
Hey man, I know.
Angel watch some slide pedal guitars playing the whole time.
I feel like I was in the Scorsese movie at times, and then maybe it'd be a very artistic film.
My good best friend in the world, Marty Scorsese's got a new movie coming out.
It's a very long title.
I don't know, Scotty, did you write it down?
I think it's like Legends of the Sailor Moon.
Legends of the Sailor Moon Falls.
It's going to be great.
I heard that Leo DiCaprio did a lot of great improvising in it, which is something you always want from a DiCaprio film.
If I if there's one thing I can, can I just say, can I just say, can I just say, OK, I just say here we go.
Can I just say people, look, we all love improv, we all are taking classes at UCB of Valverde.
But if there's one person I want to.
See.
Do an improv.
It's dramatic actors.
No jokes whatsoever and just stretching scenes out.
Just stretching them out as long as they can go.
Just stretch to give.
You know what?
Give Selma Shoemaker a run for her money.
As a great editor, that's what I'd say.
And that's all I got to say.
That isn't all I got to say, courtesy of Jeff the Angry Man Garlocka One O 8.9 The Hawk Wisp Turlington Show Seven O 5 in the second hour of our wonderful Wisp Turlington Show right here on Halloween.
And Oh my God, I get so excited for Halloween, but I keep my costumes to the last minute.
You you want to surprise everyone I tell you who didn't, Skeet Skeet did not.
Keep us.
I did not surprise us in the six at six.
AM he showed up in the first hour he was the little boy from the 6th sense, and then he changed immediately to the woman from the Lady in the Water.
And then he was every character from M Night Shyamalan's The Village.
And then he was just elevators.
Like everyone we we got to play a fucking song.
Skeet.
This is just the first hour.
We don't have time for your everyday costume parade.
We did.
Then look at the schedule.
Shoddy.
Scotty showed us that it was shoddy.
Tell us.
Shoddy.
That's it.
You know when you do some shoddy work, you're going to call him, We're going to call him shoddy, and I'm going to say he's got your number, He.
Shoddy wrote the schedule that did say Skeet all work was going to be doing the M Night costume parade, but he did not let us know that that was happening so well.
Here's hoping it.
Here's here's hoping.
I'm hoping.
Alright, I'm that's my favorite M Night movie I hated.
The Happening.
But I love the sequel.
The Hoping well, the hoping in you know needed hope.
Around that time, Obama was president and there was just a big feeling of hope in the air and it went all the way to the.
Day when there was that much hope, I'll tell you that.
So much hope, so much hope.
And I hope you can go and have a wonderful Halloween tonight.
Of course the Verde stabber has struck again.
I do have to play this really quickly.
All the news you can use or the news you could lose.
It's news time on 108.9.
The Hog Verde stabber.
Of course everyone's all scared of the Verde stabber.
Where's he going to stab next?
And well, he did stab this morning at Valmart.
He killed Denise Kurtcruch, 84.
And Don?
Not that one.
Henry, 72, apparently in the ice cream aisle at Valmart.
Now, of course, it is usually pronounced Dawn Knot, that one.
Oh, it's like, my apologies to the oh, gotcha.
That's what it gets doubly.
Confusing doubly.
I will say to you that's a good reminder though.
We're all, you know, rest in power to all the victims of the rest in power, Dawn.
That being said.
We are selling our Who's he going to stab neck shirts?
Yeah, you can get those at 101.com.
Who's he going to kill next?
The Verde stabber making this Halloween a little.
Little scary, spooky, scary.
We've got a police chief, Joe Pizzola, our wonderful police chief.
He has been the police chief here in Val Verde for so long and just saying his name makes me feel more comfortable We're going to have him in the.
When I wake up screaming in the middle of the night, I'll just yell out every God damn night.
Just cold sweat doesn't.
Work.
When the studio is in my house, it goes out over the air because you know, Rabbiak and Takalis Dalton's in here doing the overnight shift.
Luckily it merges in with whatever bursome song he's playing at that moment, So really, really merges perfectly.
But I do want to before we get the police chief in here to talk about how you can be safe tonight with the Verde stabber on the loose, here is a list of locations.
Scotty has just sent this over to me here.
This is a list of locations.
Where the Verde stabber.
Because we actually got this list.
Yeah, we got it here.
This is the locations where the Verde stabber has promised, promised he might not stab you tonight.
And did he?
Send his promises out.
By the way, I forget.
Where did those come from?
Where did his promises come from?
Yeah, where did Scotty?
Oh, so, so Scotty is our direct link to the stop.
That's Scotty, ours, our producer behind the glass.
And when I say behind the glass, the big hole we cut in your RV wall right here in the rock'n'roll RV until our brand new studio gets built across town, Eventually I might have taken over your stinky stinky stinky.
Why?
It's like, does he have it connected to you?
I.
I got a text message right when you said that from the contractor.
Oh, with an with an update ran out of screws run into the hardware store.
But that one came two weeks ago that I just keep getting that one.
So, so maybe you found those screws.
Well, you know, when you're building a building, you got to have screws, Jeff.
I mean that's that's the model listener, now it's.
The The Tool Hut.
When you're building a building, you gotta have.
Screws.
We all know they're famous.
Ad campaign.
Speaking of Tool Hut, that is of course one of the locations giving out candy tonight.
And you might not get stabbed there.
You also might not get stabbed at Uncle Petruccio's, Flappers, Chestnuts, Zazzers, Burger Tools, Charney's Truck Nut Warehouse, and Jugs Mog Emporium.
And now they're on the flip side of this coin.
Like 2 Faced.
Just plip.
Are you gonna die, Batman?
Flip, flip, flip.
He always made that sound.
I'm like, that's creepy.
Flip, flip, he says.
You you need to watch out.
You're probably gonna get stabbed at flappers, chestnuts, zazers, burger, tools, charnies, truck, nut, warehouse, and mugs.
OK, Jags mug.
Important that those are also OK.
So there's a little crossover here.
It looks like if I do the math here, if I do a process of elimination, you're probably be safe.
Calculation.
You're gonna be Safe, Tool Hut and Uncle Petruccios.
OK, so you gotta go down to Tool Hut.
Good.
When you're building a building, you're gonna need screws and you're gonna want to go to Tool Hut so you don't get burned.
That's her.
That's your song.
That's when you're building a building.
So you don't get murdered.
You don't get murdered.
Oh my God don't get murdered this Halloween.
Happy Halloween.
And Speaking of somebody who wants you to not get murdered, especially because, look, I I think he probably doesn't want anything to do with the paperwork, if you know what I mean.
All ladies and gentlemen, our savior for Val Verde, our Police Chief Joe Pizzola.
Hey folks, thanks so much for having me in the studio.
No, it's so good to have stinks.
It does stink in here, but reeks designate they really, really reeks speaking.
About my home, but I appreciate it, 'cause you are the Pitzola, it's.
I like cracking jokes, you know?
I know it's a serious time right now.
People are scared.
So, you know, just trying to keep it light.
And that's what I appreciate, a good color.
If a cop is keeping it light, you know.
It's all.
And that's what you wanted to be light.
Well, because, you know, there's been a lot of problems with policing lately.
And I I tell my guys, don't worry so much, just keep it light, you know, have fun.
Get a smile out of somebody.
A cab UYK.
IL all cops are bastards.
Unless you keep it light.
That's just the motto.
You just gotta have it, OK?
I don't want to get into that though.
Alright, OK, alright, OK.
No, I love it.
Keep it light guys.
Keep it light back the blue, but keep it light, you know, like a light blue, like a really like thin blue light line.
Is what I always blue.
The thin, light blue line.
Love it.
Love it.
Need some more of it.
You know what else I need some more of?
Chief Bazilla, Have you?
Do you have any idea who the stabber could be?
We do.
Oh, we do.
Have Wow.
Well, we have an idea.
Oh, OK.
So you have a little guess.
Well, you know, in, in the, in the, in the police term terminology you know we would say we're, we're on the right track.
We're we're, we're, we're we've narrowed it down to a now a a smaller number of people.
There's a certain number of people we know.
It can't be, you know, for instance, since the killing the most recent stabbings took place.
Right.
And your show was on, It's probably not you two guys, so.
That's good to know.
That is good to know because Denise Kurtkrich enduring Not, not the one, Handley one.
Not the one killed in the 6:00 hour or so.
And I'm.
Not gonna lie too.
There was a period where I was guessing.
And look, I'm just a layman.
I love a good true crime podcast.
Oh, God, you're all over these.
Truth.
I just can't get enough of this these ways.
Oh my God.
I and I love your wife's true crime podcast as well.
She does.
She has a true crime.
I tell her not to.
To do it.
Because a lot of times, you know, she gets into the evidence and then she starts reporting on things and I say hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, honey, honey, honey, we can't be putting that stuff out there.
And but you know how?
You know why?
Because of her podcast, for a period, I thought it was Dawn, not the one that was the killer.
So, you know, real conflict of interest in that House, I mean of.
Course it is the fact that she called her podcast.
My Husband's the Chief that really just lays it out there for you.
That makes you kind of the the the unsung secret Co host in a sense.
Well, you know, look, hey, I always thought it'd be fun to get into broadcasting.
So sometimes she asks me some questions and I maybe I'll give her a little information, You know, that's I know we're not so cool to school.
But we're keeping it light thin blue line.
I think we all.
Are.
Thin The thin light blue line means you're gonna tell some things to your wife now and then.
That's.
What a lot of these police departments get wrong is they they hold on to information, so.
Tightly and they try that.
You know a lot of places.
If they had a stabber out there right now on Halloween, they say hey, kids stay home and that that just hurts.
That hurts to think about because he has targeted some children at times.
Sure he has.
If.
You have a stopper.
You're going to target some children.
That's just a fact.
It's just easy to targeting in a way that he's just like in the corner, just like showing his knife with a little, a little light gleaming us.
Like a mic.
There was a sighting.
Yes, there was a sighting of a glue it Scotty.
A glint of lights in a corner and we.
By the time we got down there, though, the glint was gone.
Oh.
So we.
Followed the glint.
That's the time you followed the.
Glint and and by the way, if anybody has any.
Stories.
Any sightings of a glint?
Let me know.
Call my personal number.
And you?
Do give it out all the time because it's that personal number.
What is the?
Personal number of the.
Everybody knows the area code to Valverde is 111111112223333 3333.
It's hard to not remember that one.
I mean please.
Well, that's because I got the first number as the police.
You did you you get it as chief?
As chief, you get the first number of the town that's they said you want this number?
I said absolutely.
Then the town started and we had a police force ready to go.
Look, most people, we all know this.
I don't.
I don't have to be the one to explain.
Thomas Edison came to Valverde and immediately put up that phone line and just screened out.
Hey, who wants what?
Whoa, wait a second.
It was Thomas Edison just in here.
That's just my dead on Edison exactly fucking like it.
That was so.
It doesn't say anything.
Hey.
The Menlo Park The Wizard of Menlo Park is here.
He sounds exactly like Dice Hickory.
Dickory Doc, who's the chief in my cock?
Is what he said.
And it was a funny, funny rhyme and it.
Was so funny.
Thomas Edison.
Dude, that was Thomas Edison.
Yeah.
The original Dice man was not Andrew Dice Clay.
No.
No.
No, no.
The most people you know, most people don't realize.
And I don't want to get in on the Most people don't realize.
But most people don't realize.
People don't realize.
Here we go.
You know, most people don't realize that.
Most people think that Andrew Dice Clay was just playing a character, just blowing up a aspect of his personality.
No, no, he was just ripping off the Wizard of Menlo Park all of these years and it took him to Madison Square Garden.
And I say give credit where credit is due.
Oh oh guys, I do have to do this.
I'm sorry.
Breaking news.
All the news you can use or the news you could lose.
It's news time on 108.9 The Hawk.
Really, Scotty, We're going to do the spooky music behind the breaking news, OK?
Interesting.
Maybe something spooky happened.
It is something spooky.
Well, you are right.
Three new stabbing victims.
Oh, we've got grief.
Talenton dead.
I know.
Donnie Mackler dead.
And everyone's favorite.
Oh, my God.
This guy.
If you saw him out on the streets, you were just like, you're my dude.
You're always cracking jokes.
None of them are funny, but the fact that you tried made me feel good inside.
Everyone's favorite Joker Bo is dead.
They were all stabbed in the alley behind chestnuts while they were trying to roast their own nuts.
Of course.
Chestnuts.
They all male dance review in Valverde down on Hog St. and they have a roaster in the back where you can roast any nut you need to get roasted.
I guess they're giving out roasted nuts tonight for all the trick or treaters.
OK.
Seems like they maybe should cancel that plan.
I mean, I don't know.
Chief needs to step in.
Hey, Chief.
I look, hey, I know it's a tough time, you know, having just heard that people were literally just stabbed.
But you know, it's at that location.
It is at that low.
It's Halloween and and and look from what I know of serial killers, which I this is a little bit of a guess.
If they stabbed in one place, they're not going to want to go back there.
That's, that's they oh, so if if anything, and again, I have to do a little bit more research and just make sure that I, what I'm thinking is right.
But my instinct, my gut, my police chief gut tells me he's not going to go back there.
So that might be the safest place.
Oh my God, so we should all be going to Chester's, 'cause they already pulled the trifecta.
Maybe you know at no, you know at the same time.
And I don't want to.
I don't want to ruffle any feathers.
I want to keep it light.
You know, it's Halloween.
The candy, the kids, it's fun.
It's just, Oh my God, it's so much fun.
I mean, but you.
Heard it here first, Valverde Police Chief Joe Pizzola says.
Go down to chestnuts and get those nuts if you're a child, because you're not going to get.
Can't let the serial killer win?
I heard it here first.
Chestnuts is 100% safe, according to Chief Pizzola.
Well, you know, I'm going to try my best.
You know, but if anyone gets stabbed, you let me know.
Call my number.
I see.
I missed a few texts.
Actually.
You got what we got.
What do you got?
What do you got there?
I think I see the glint at oh chestnuts now.
This would have been 3 minutes ago.
Really helpful to.
Me.
OK, so yeah, sure, Bull would have liked that.
You know, but I'm I'm here on the radio getting the word out.
I appreciate you turned off your notifications.
I want to vibrate.
You know, I'm.
I'm trying to stay within the conversation.
I'm trying to do my job as police chief.
At the same time, I'm trying to keep people safe.
And I want to just make sure that, you know, could you imagine you're getting, you're a kid, you're getting dressed up for Halloween and someone says you can't go out there 'cause there's some crazy guy?
I can't, so I can't imagine that.
So then let's not do that.
I would I think this.
Is people.
If you can't imagine it, don't think about it.
Exactly.
No way.
Go, Edison.
That's for my Tesla, Thomas.
Edison.
Exactly, man.
Tesla, don't get me started on that guy.
And this is not a don't get me started segment.
That's just don't get.
Me not.
I'm not.
Oh my God.
We got so much coming up.
More news of course breaking as it comes in.
We're going to talk a little bit, feel the callers can call in in the next segment for what candy do you hope for?
And we'll keep Chief Pizzola.
If you want to just hang out with us, that'd be great.
I.
Do.
I'm just texting some people back, so, OK, good.
OK, good.
Sorry.
You.
You do your job where you do our job, you do your job.
And I am.
I got my police scanner right here.
I mean, I turned it on low.
It is, as you bave Adam, basically silent.
That's the best way to look at a police scanner.
Oh my God.
We got traffic coming up very shortly here on 108.9 The Hawk.
But I tell you, if the Verde stabber gets gets up on you in a darkened alley, there's one thing he's gonna do.
Well first.
He's gonna stab you while going crazy on you.
It's hard on 108.9 The Hawk Get ready Valverde for Mötley Crüe.
Mötley Crüe from Doctor Feel Goods Haunted Memorial Mental Hospital House.
Valverde's scariest all Mötley Crüe themed haunted house.
But Oh no, they won't be playing.
No, no, no, no, no.
They're part of the ride Ride.
You'll shiver in fear when you're deep inside Tommy Lee's upside down Drums room.
Oh, Tommy's been upside down in there since the attraction opened in September, and Oh yeah, he's starting to look downright scary.
Hey bro, come on, let me out of here.
Did Freddy versus Jason frighten you?
Then you'll lose all your lunches watching Mick Mars versus John 5 in Doctor Feel Good's office waiting room.
If you think Mick Mars doesn't still have the moves, get ready to Primal Scream and shout as he breaks both his and John 15's backs at the same time.
You'll need someone to kick Start your heart when you enter Nikki 6's den of girls, Girls, Girls who are probably actually real vampire brides.
A very long name for an already very long ride.
But get this, that's not the scary part.
Oh no.
You'll be filled to the brim with terror as you listen to Nikki 6.
Regale everyone with spooky stories about how he.
Wrote all the songs or how they do not use backing tapes when they play live.
These vampires will beg you to break open a window and let the sunlight in.
So spooky, so scary, so motley crew.
But it doesn't end there.
Prepare to shout at the devil while you lose control of all bodily functions as you slowly move through the Haunted Vocal Booth Haunted Vocal Booth And in this vocal booth you're only going to hear your Vince Neil's vocals.
No music, no mercy.
Say goodbye to your loved ones and know that you'll probably never see your home sweet home ever again.
After visiting Motley Crue's Doctor, Feel Good's Haunted Memorial Mental Hospital House open late and open until Christmas, right off same Old Situation Blvd.
In Val Verde.
A group of camp counselors try to open up a closed summer camp after a.
Series of grisly murders.
Too bad for them, the murderers coming back with vengeance.
In the classic 80s slasher, that's basically Friday the 13th or Sleepaway Camp or hundreds of other slasher films.
But this one people swear is really good because it's the first appearance of legitimate actors and that one death scene that's become popular on TikTok.
You know, the one with the blender?
Yeah, that one.
A young Daniel Day Lewis.
A young Cate Blanchett and Danny Bonaducci in Massacre in Slaughter Woods.
Only on the Shocktober Flashback Friday.
Slash em, Up block, Channel 8.
You're home for great shit, Boo.
Hope I didn't scare you too much because frankly, we can't handle another lawsuit.
Happy Halloween from 108.9 The Hawk.
I'm going to flip the coin, Batman.
Which side is it going to get on?
Plink Plink.
Allman Brothers Rambling man, by request.
And I'm going to say there is nothing scarier than that.
Guitar solo at the end because I feels like it will never end.
It starts to sound like the Halloween theme after a while.
God, it really, really does.
The best Halloween music is played right here on 108.9, The Hawk.
And of course, that was The Allman Brothers Band on the Wisp Turlington Show and the rock'n'roll RV Me Wisp Turlington Him, Jeff the Angry Man, Garlock and of course, Police Chief Joe Pizzola.
We feel safer having you in this stinky, stinky RV with us, no?
Crimes have been committed in the trailer since I've been here.
Well, I mean, Scotty did a little something in the bathroom earlier.
Crimes against humanity.
Crimes.
Against humanity is very true, but no crimes against the house, which I'm appreciating.
I mean this.
I'm just gonna say this is this is proving that we need more cops around because this year around.
Right.
And that's what I'm trying to tell everybody is that, you know, that's a, that could be a large radius of people say, you know, when people drive by cops and they start to slow down, they say, oh, I better not break the law.
That's the effect that I'm hoping to have on Halloween is that if I stand tonight, I'm going to stand in the middle of town.
And the radius will scare away any would be criminals.
So you're right there in Verde Square, like in the right there on the Shawnees Tower.
Right in the middle, be on the top of the tower.
You're gonna be at the top of the Shawnees tower, just looking down.
Radius towers tripping down the natural.
Cheese fountain, of course, as it.
Always.
Now of course, and I don't want to give anybody ideas, but should something happen?
And I don't think it will because I'm going to keep everyone safe.
But should some crime be committed to stabbing per SE, I would not be able to get down from the top of the tower because they're going to have to harness me up there to keep me safe.
And the only people that we could do that and pay are other police officers, so they're going to be spotting me.
But other than that, but you gotta be safe.
What, are you gonna get up there and not be safe?
I mean.
Well, I safety first, right?
We're just trying to keep everybody safe and keep it light.
It's just like Smokey the Bear says.
Safety first, safety first.
Keep it light.
That talking bear scares the hell out of me Every hello.
Shirtless talking bear.
Shirtless talk about if I'm gonna listen to somebody and it's not you, I'm gonna listen to it.
Shirtless Talking bear.
I'll tell you that right now.
Oh, my God.
I do have to do this.
Guys, I hate to do this.
All the news you can use or the news you could lose.
It's news time on.
What are we, .9 Maha.
Well, everybody's favorite CPA is dead.
Brock Broccoli murdered over at the Truck Nut warehouse.
And news you can use.
Or the news.
Did they say how we got murdered?
It's a good question.
What are we .9 Maha?
I was a stabbing, was a stab.
They think that it's probably the Verde stabber.
OK.
So AP News has not fingered.
The AP news hasn't fingered.
Oh my God.
Interesting.
They love to finger, don't they?
Those boys love to just get in there with two or three and just get you the facts.
Also smunk Danny was just stabbed over at Zazzers.
Smoke Danny, 26 year old, just getting his life started at the Quiet Riot.
Show at Zazzers at the Quiet Riot.
Show at Zazzers.
Of course, the Choir Riot Show.
That's only the the.
Everything from Choir Riot, but it's only the merch guy from Quiet Riot playing God.
That's a great show.
That's Goddess Sting.
It stings for the town.
The community hopes and prayers go out to everybody you know.
At the same time, I just want people to remember that tonight is Halloween.
You know it's.
Supposed to be fun music, Scotty.
Supposed to be fun for the kids?
Candy.
Could you imagine?
I can't.
Well that's good.
Oh, what a do you have you ever worked in terrestrial radio?
That is quite the segue you.
Don't like your wife with Segways because, I mean, that was fantastic.
We like to play a little game here called What Candy do you hope for?
See the phone lines are open.
That was fantastic.
I mean, of course, rest in power to those victims, but what candy do you like?
I mean, yeah, we have caller, caller #2, Jeff, caller number two.
Oh, oh hey, who do we have here?
Oh, I got stabbed.
I don't know.
Do they always take a flank?
Flank A flank junction, blank junction.
Where you calling from flank?
You're calling from flet cheese.
I was getting they were angry at me and I don't know if it was the owner of Flet Cheese because I told them I didn't want to split Hot dog or if it was a stabber.
Did you get it?
What's the what's the phrase that pays?
Flank.
Flank.
Skittles.
Well no, that's not that is the candy.
I didn't ask the question.
That one.
That's on me.
I should have asked the candy question, Skittles.
Always good to guess.
Always.
The rainbow.
Here's a good question.
Do you eat your Skittles one flavor at a time, or all in one big handful?
I mash them together just one big into one big skittle.
Wow.
And then I bite it like an apple.
It becomes like a Gray apple.
Yes, bite it.
Delicious of.
Course, I guess rest in power to flanch.
Yeah, it sounds like he might have.
He may have passed on the phone there, but got a feeling.
We might be getting an AP news alert on that one soon, I hope.
So I.
Hope so too.
Maybe they'll finger that, maybe they'll.
But at least you know no one's coming back to Fletchy's, so you can check that off the.
Check it.
Put it right back on the list of safe spots.
Save, save your trick or treat and go to Fletchy's.
Get yourself a split top hot dog.
We got another call coming in line 3.
Go right ahead.
Yeah, I'm just calling in.
I saw a glimmer.
A Glint.
You saw a glimmer or a glint.
You know what, man, I can't really tell between the two.
Like which one is a glimmer?
And this is what I'm worried about.
This is what I'm worried about.
Sir, I appreciate you calling.
First of all, you probably want to tell us your favorite candy, but also.
All the way.
Professional all the way.
I'm going to say I like those.
Those marshmallow can't like the the pumpkins, the small pumpkins that are just.
Who really likes those pumpkins?
Yeah, I mean, I I mean, I don't love the Russell Stover marshmallow pumpkins myself.
Surprising.
As a #1 Andy.
Usually it's a Snickers or Reese's or.
Something you kind of deal with a Russell Stover's marshmallow pumpkin.
That's an interesting part, but it.
I'm sorry, are you still in the light?
What is this?
He got me over here at Jugs Jugs.
They gave you the marshmallow pumpkin at Chugs and Jugs Mug Emporium.
Matt.
Well, if you're going to get candy, thank you for calling in here.
If you're going to get candy, you want to get it over a jug Mug emporium?
You're.
Going to want it now.
Can I ask you as a professional chief Me.
No, we're going chief.
I know I call you chief sometimes on the way you do, but you also call me a professional, which is very.
Nice.
Sometimes true.
Chief, do we consider that one stabbing 'cause we didn't get to the end result there.
I know the we didn't.
Even figure out if it was a glimmer or a glint.
You can't jump to conclusions when you're a police officer.
You have to look at everything, all the evidence, the evidence that we have blue.
Line right there talking.
The evidence that we have right now is we got a call, a man started coughing, maybe saying he got me, but that could mean anything, could be anything, truly anything.
And.
Could be reacting to those marshmallows, cause those aren't the best marshmallows.
Could be a nice game of spotlight.
You look like Spotlight as a kid.
He's also light on him.
Is he a credible source?
Because he had a glimmer and a glint?
We've asked people to look for the glint.
If you see a glint in the corner, call me.
Just don't call me right now because I'm on the radio.
But I'm telling everyone to stay safe.
Don't call me for a few hours tonight when I'm getting set up on the tower, right?
I won't think I believe it or not.
I don't think I have great service.
You're not going to have T-Mobile.
You would think a tower like T-Mobile would have those T-Mobile T.
Mobile so I'm not going to have great service up there and I don't think I'm going to have my hands to check my phone, but as soon as I'm telling them.
Big beef with T-Mobile They oh, really?
The owner of Sharny's does not like T-Mobile.
Destroys all their towers.
That's why you're not.
Going to get great service but other than that guys remember.
Keep it light, have fun, go out there, put your costumes on.
It would be such a shame for people to get to miss out on this day.
We can't have it on any other day because it's it's Hallows Eve tonight.
You know, again, I'm, I'm not a professional, but I do listen to your wife's podcast and I'm going to say jugsmug emporium.
Let's just put that in the Maybe category, yeah, let's put it over in the Maybe.
You can't live your life scared, OK?
We gotta get just like how COVID.
Remember that?
COVID.
I kind of what exactly about COVID exactly.
And we can't be scared of it.
You got to go out there, go to your jobs.
Go back to the office.
Ohh yeah, we all need to be back in an office.
At the office.
Gotta be at an office and you gotta walk in that office and you gotta scream immediately.
I refuse to live at fear, even if no one asks you.
That's good.
That's safe.
That sounded a lot like you know here, Mr. Edison.
It's.
Like, I'm not even asking to wear a mask at this point.
Man, Halloween.
And then you know that in there, that's.
The emphasis you want happy Halloween.
It's got to be happy, but it means we live in a happy town and we're doing good.
That means the police are doing their job.
So guys, keep it happy.
Happy town Valverde.
Happy town.
Happy wife.
Happy traffic on 108.9 The Hawk.
What are we .9 The Hawk Traffic with arts part.
Wow.
Black Cats and goblins and broomsticks and ghosts.
Covens of witches and all of their house.
You may think they scare me.
You're probably right.
Black Cats and goblins on Halloween night.
Trick or treat.
That, of course, is what the spooky kids at the beginning of John Carpenter's Halloween chant before Michael Myers kills his sister.
And that is what all art is going to be saying to himself this Halloween night.
And I sit in my house watching Halloween and not living it.
In fact, that's going to be all Halloween week because there might be traffic, but I am not going to report it.
Yep, as you know, art is a Monster Hunter.
Let a known fact about monster hunters.
Our sense is about what is a real monster and a fake one to not work so well on All Hallows Eve.
The signals get crossed.
My monster radar is no bueno.
On Halloween, suffer the safety of Valverde and sadly, the safety of the monsters who are not.
Little kids in monster costumes.
You ain't getting haunted for a bit.
And traffic, you ain't getting red.
Yeah, much like Haddonfield has to live with the repercussions of Michael Myers hunting down Laurie Strode or his sister Laurie Strode.
Or sometimes Busta Rhymes Mal Verde has to deal with the fact that if I leave my house on Halloween, Stan is going to die.
I don't know what it is about Stan.
We all hate him, but he makes the best costumes this side of spirit, Halloween, and the most convincing, and I have tried to kill him too many times.
Chupac Opera Stan.
He almost lost a leg.
Austin.
Chewbacca power stand, which was some weird mashup of two different IPS that made sense only to Stan.
I almost blinded him.
Sexy Harley Winstan.
Well that one is just annoying, much like Stan is.
And well, I know we would all be fine with Stan being dead, but if I'm going to kill him, I don't want to do it because I'm stuck him for being a monster.
I want to kill him because he is Stan.
So until the day after Halloween you are on your own with traffic.
I'm just staying in to watch some spookies on the boob tube.
Unless it's the Rob Zombie Halloween, because fuck that fucking movie.
And that has been traffic, kind of from the birth funeral flowers traffic desk.
I'm Art Spark on 108.9.
The Hawk with births, Funeral flowers with births, funeral flowers.
Oh my God, Art is really just completely wound up there.
Yeah, but I will say, I guess we can check him off the box, 'cause he ain't leaving his house, he's staying home.
And it's not probably not stand.
So I mean these are good for you Chief.
I mean, we're.
Absolutely, and I appreciate that And hopefully he has got a big bucket of candy for the kids.
And you know, one thing we were saying, you know, just to keep everybody safe, I hate to interrupt any of the flow of Halloween, but maybe, you know, if you want to prove to yourself, prove to your neighbors you're not the stabber.
When you say trick or treat, you say, hey, I'm not the stabber and the person who's giving you the candy can respond back.
I also am not the stabber.
And then continue on.
It's a real transaction.
It's a real 2 transaction.
Exactly.
That's two people off the list of, hey, these people are not criminals, they're not murderers.
And we it.
Takes a village, people.
It takes a village.
And I'm talking about M Night Shyamalans, The village.
Of course.
Oh, of course, of course.
Let's try it, though.
Let's try it.
You are the house, Chief Petzola, and you are the kid walking up to get candy like a little greedy motherfucker.
Jeff the angry Man.
Garlic, that's you.
And action.
Yeah, trick or treat.
Give me candy.
Come on, trick or treat?
Hey, what do you say?
I am not the stabber.
Excellent.
I too am not the stabber.
Shake hands.
And here's one Werther's original.
Just kidding.
Here's some long, long red vines out of the plastic.
Oh my, out of the plastic.
I thought you were really sweaty hand candy like Werther's original, but no, you chose the one We all want, the longest Red Vine directly out of a fresh out.
Of my hand, out of my sweaty.
Hands.
Oh man, I want to sweat sliding through.
Exactly.
It's Halloween.
It's fun.
I like a good sweaty.
Salty red.
That was a trick and a treat.
It wasn't.
It really was.
That's.
What you do understands it's gotta be a trick and a treat, and it's about transactions.
That's in the you know you're, you're.
Transactions.
You're teaching kids about the economy and how it works, Supply and demand.
Classics, This is Economics 101.
This is I didn't think I was signing up for Economics 101 on Halloween here at Val Verde Community College.
You got the candy.
Give it to me.
You don't don't give it to me, but don't.
I just got an A, just got an A.
Just.
Got an A now?
Now you could start a business line 8.
It says it is for cheap pizzola.
You're on the air all.
Right.
How you doing?
Oh, whoa.
Which ones?
The ones that says I'm getting stabbed that those are the ones that from earlier.
I tried to respond to those.
No, the ones that say I'm stabbing.
I'm just seeing those now, Yes.
Oh.
Man, what is that?
Terrible service.
My Charney does not do good with T-Mobile here. 323 area.
Code.
The hell is that 323?
Your wife has a wonderful podcast.
Thank you very much.
Wait, is this the stabber?
Yes.
Who am I?
Do you think it would be that simple, chief?
But so sometimes, hey, you know what?
Sometimes you keep it light.
And this is his life.
Does life have to be so complicated?
Keep your light and shoot your shot.
You know, he sounds like thousands.
You almost done me.
I almost said shit.
Gotta go.
Oh my God, wow, he said.
Tit, he said.
That leads me to believe that maybe his first name is Tit.
Maybe it's Tit?
Although I will, I will say I was thinking you were on the right track and I was about to say you should ask him if he's Bowser because it.
Could be Bowser.
It could have been does the voice of Bowser.
There is.
Bowser is a tit man.
We all know that.
That's just that's just you go like.
Super Mario Wiki When they?
First, started playing video games, I said.
You know what he's really after, right?
Tigo Betty's is what his bowser's always said.
In that dress.
No, you could only get Bowser Tig, old biddies in Japan.
You had to order that game and it would come across and it is just pervade.
It was like that would.
Play TIG old biddies on my family cob.
It was a fantastic system, yeah.
Oh, so that was a stabber, that was.
I got that.
Was a trace on that by any chance close?
'Cause we gotta.
That's good.
Look, and you gotta take the good with the bad.
You gotta keep positive.
We got close.
We heard what his voice maybe sounds like, unless he's using some kind of modulator, you know, didn't even.
Consider that this is progress in an investigation.
Yeah.
Again, I'm just a layman.
I'm not a policeman.
I'm gonna go with not a modulator.
I'm leaning definitely towards Tingle Betty Bowser.
Yeah.
Don't you say you just straight up he's Bowser, he's that.
Straight up might just be Bowser.
That's not even the voice actor who plays Jeff Call for you on line 8.
Yeah, line A.
This is one way pointing on the Hawk.
Who am I talking to here?
I'm calling in to let you know what kind of candy I like.
Oh my goodness.
Somebody's been listening.
Someone's remembering our segments better than we are.
All right, who are we talking to here?
And who?
What kind of candy do you want to be getting out?
Halloween.
Just call me Terry.
Terry, what zag nuts?
Zag Nut?
Do you mean Zag Nuts Is the last name or the candy?
That's a good question because it is a great candy bar.
It's a fantastic candy bar.
It's the candy bar.
So then, what is your last name if we're going with Candy Bar?
Think it's the stabber?
I am not dressed up like Bowser.
Oh my God, who are you dressed up as?
Who are you dressed up as, Sir?
Question.
Good question, girls.
I'm Scream.
Oh my God, you said that.
Just a screen mask.
Or like Matthew Lillard.
Oh my gosh.
Don't let Skeet Ulrich know he's freaking out in our green room over here.
Oh, no, wait, so are we talking to I'm dressed up like Lillard?
Oh.
My goodness, but Lillard, wait, are you dressed up?
Like Lillard doing the voice of Scooby-doo, I won't say OK, and I I.
Again, I'm just a layman.
I am not a professional.
But if a criminal says, I won't say.
Hey, he's not a criminal yet not to approve, he's.
Ohh, you are the proof of guilt.
Oh wow.
That's the thin light blue line there.
What's that?
I'm coming for you.
Hey, excuse me, Sir, click.
He hung up and he said burger tools, Burger tools, I'm coming for you.
So I have a question for you, Chief Patola, If he said burger tools, I'm coming for you.
Does that mean he's going for a meal or should people stay away from burger tools?
Of course, the only home improvement themed burger restaurant in Valverde, everyone's going over.
It's lunchtime is going to be in five hours, so people are going to be.
Jumped to conclusions when it comes to conclusions.
Because someone says something, they don't always mean it.
And we don't.
We don't know what.
The context was so all I'm saying is, hey, you still want a home improvement burger?
You still want some tools and burgers.
Don't be afraid because some guy, we don't even know if that was actually the stabber.
That's true.
I mean that.
Could have just been Matthew Lillard.
That could have been Matthew Lillard playing a little prank.
It's Halloween.
That happens.
Oh, and that's his car.
Maybe the news you can use or the news you could lose.
It's news time on 108.9.
The Hawks.
Well, Skeet, you're not going to like this, but Matthew Lillard just stabbed at burger tools.
Oh wow.
He was in town for the opening of scooby-doo three at the Val Verde.
The Val Verde Vertical Theatre.
It's the first vertical movie shot in vertical and looks like a shy.
God damn iPhone.
And that's the only way.
But he is.
He was stabbed 52 times.
Stabbed so many times within so many times, but now.
But hey, now we could talk to Mr. Lillard, see who we saw stab him.
That is a very good.
Scotty was Scotty.
Was he stabbed in the larynx?
Alright, yeah, 37 of those were in his layer in the so gonna be right.
Does he had his fingers?
Scotty?
No, all fingers gone, Scotty.
Correct.
All standers gone.
Just.
There goes this goddamn voiceover career.
I'll tell you that right now.
I mean, he made a career and his AP news fingering career.
That is, that goes the window.
Fingering career side out.
The I wonder if I is the police chief sometimes.
I wonder this if I should be out on the streets right now.
No, no, we're gonna.
Get the message out there and to keep living my life just like normal to live your life.
Because you can't let.
Can't let him win.
Can't let him win.
Can't let anyone ever win.
Never.
That's my I mean, we also, by the way, are selling that shirt.
Never let anyone, never let anyone.
Win anything you play, just don't I ever.
Add children.
That's the first thing I teach them.
Right out of the womb.
I'd say I love you.
I'm your father.
Never let Eddie one win that Eddie.
Just say now, it's not over.
I'm not done.
I'm not playing, whatever you, and that's what I'm saying to the to to the stabber right now.
I'm not playing.
Wow.
What happens if we ain't playing Stabber Quit.
Wow.
Oh my God.
So you can't beat us?
Yeah, I tell you what, it sounds to me like Chief Pizzola is ready to prove it.
All night at One O 8.9 The Hawk.
All right, happy Halloween.
We'll be right back after this break.
You want to make your automobile look badass, But there's only one way to do it.
Truck nuts.
Where in Valverde can I find the best truck nuts around the answer Truck Nut Warehouse.
I'm Terry Montgomery, the manager of Truck Nut Warehouse.
Big ones, small ones, gold ones, blue ones, Sparkly ones.
Ones with an American flag on it, Ones with the Punisher symbol on it.
Basically truck nuts that say I'm not one to be fucked with, but I also know how to have a really good time.
So come Truck Nut up your life at the Truck Nut Warehouse. 84242 Hog St.
Valverde Hashtag Truck Nut up Your life.
A Rogue Priest.
Teams up with a rogue detective to stop a murderer putting a city on siege with a series of murders more grisly than the last, all based on the Last Supper from the Bible in the classic religious horror film that Roger Ebert said.
Is very confusing if you don't have a deep understanding of the Bible.
You basically have to be a religious scholar to understand the second act.
And Vincent Canby said I have a deep understanding of the Bible.
This all makes perfect sense and the scariest Polk quote of them all, evangelical Blogger says this movie is basically my belief system.
Woo.
Demi Moore, Mickey Rourke and Cher in the 7th Judas Principle only on Shocktoberfest Channel 8.
You're home for great shit.
Happy Halloween from Valverde's least favorite choice for classic rock 108.9 The Hawk.
It's pizza time again at Pizza Emporium, 323 Hawk St. in Valverde.
Haunted pizzas, pizzas in coffins.
Pizzas that were definitely made by a former employee who died in the Pizza Emporium Kitchen on Halloween in 1983.
And he's definitely including hints on every pizza on how you can help him pass to the other side.
Please me Pizzas shaped like Frankenstein's pizzas that have their own minds.
Pizza that knows the identity of the Verde stabber.
But they're not going to say it because they believe this town has it coming.
Mummy pizzas and pizzas made with nothing but the leftover Halloween candy you still have in your cupboard from last Halloween.
You'll wonder if you've been tricked or treated this Halloween at Pizza Emporium.
Pizza Emporium 323 Hawk St.
Val Verde say the incantation twice.
It's pizza time.
It's pizza time and I will be sucked to heaven or hell.
Either's OK with me.
It's been 40 years as a ghost here at Pizza Emporium.
Don't fear the Reaper, but you might want to fear the Valve Verde stabber just ruining everybody's Halloween.
Or, if your chief Pizzola may be improving it, you don't have to give up.
You don't have to give up on Halloween.
You really don't.
You don't.
Just stay safe out there.
Remember the protocols we talked about.
I will be on the tower tonight, sending out a radius of safety.
Tell everybody that you're not the stabber.
If you're not the stabber and just continue on and you'll be.
Playing out from the speakers, Peter Gabriel with Kate Bush singing Don't give up, right, just remind.
Everyone, yes, we're going to try.
We're trying to get that set up right now.
That might take a while.
So remember, you guys have my number 111-222-3333.
And if you have any advice on how Bluetooth works, just text the number because Bluetooth is a tricky tricky, No one figured out Bluetooth.
Did anyone forget my phone all the time?
And I'm like Bluetooth, My teeth are white, Keep it light, keep it light, keep it.
Light with stabbings 723 on the Wisp Turlington Show 108.9 The Hawk Me, Wisp Turlington, Jeff The Angry Man, Garlock, and of course, our guests.
We're just having a great time.
I wish you could come by all the time.
I I'd.
Be happy to come back.
And just, you know, I look, I'm out there patrolling the streets, going over paperwork.
It's really not as fun as this.
Carrying the paperwork while you patrol.
Just sitting there, you've got a standing desk attached to your to your waist.
You just doing that paperwork?
That's right.
And that's why a lot of times you'll see me chasing after big piles of paper flying in the wind.
It's.
Got there's a breeze.
It's, it's.
Comical, it's like Peter.
Seller, I get it done.
I get it done.
There's a real Inspector Clouseau situation.
Oh, here we go.
It's based.
On real life.
Line 8 again, crazy.
Let's see line 8 for the Chief.
You're on the hawk.
Hello, you have a wonderful house, Chief Vitzola.
Thank you.
Oh.
That's so nice.
What you've done with the kitchen is tremendous.
Are you in there right now?
I'm drinking your milk.
My milk.
What are you doing Stabber?
Are you the stabber?
Yes.
Stop it.
I am Terry Montgomery.
Stop stabbing because it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm not playing your game.
Hang up.
That ought to show him.
Oh no, you.
Wow.
All right, Somebody on him.
Wow.
That was he showed him.
Wow.
That was like I was in the middle of an SVU episode right there.
Everyone should feel safer than ever 'cause I'm.
I'm feeling confident after that.
You should feel so confident and safe that the the stabber who said his name.
I don't, he said.
He's got it.
Terry Montgomery.
Terry Montgomery Terry Montgomery OFF.
Oh, of course, the manager of Truck Nut Warehouse.
Yeah, of course.
Everyone knows Terry.
Always a little off, Always a little too into those tread nuts, if you know what I mean.
It could be him now.
I'm going to go after this guy.
I'm going to get, yeah, but I don't want to leave until the shows over though, That's the thing.
Yeah, And we know though he's at his house, so we can figure that out.
I mean, you said this in South View, but this is a real law and order.
We did the law.
Now it seems like the order is coming.
It is coming.
But you know I don't want to leave the show when it's not.
No, no, no, no.
Don't.
You don't want to stab her to win?
You don't want to make him rush out of your fun radio show.
You know all the facts at this point.
You'll get them when you get them.
That's what.
And that's one of the first things I tell new law enforcement officials.
I say, guys, a lot of the a lot of people get in here and they say I want to solve everything right away.
I say you get them.
OK, that's the.
Police Academy 101 right there.
And I'm not talking the movie series.
Although the movie.
Seriously, Academy First Police Academy film is wonderful.
Yes, so.
Exactly.
They keep it light, which is nice because you know, the all the stuff surrounding cops these days, it's not good.
Oh.
So you'll be the. 1st to admit it.
Yeah, and I'm trying to just remind people, hey, we could have fun too.
Don't be in such a rush.
Live your life.
Be present.
Nothing makes me calmer than cops that just remind me all the time.
We can have fun too.
They give me do like I love it.
A fun little skit review.
Oh, that's fun.
What I do sometimes I go into a store and I see someone, I smile, I make a long eye contact and I smile at them and that's it.
Always makes me feel calm when a cop smiles at a cop smiles just.
Like a long period.
I'm watching you.
I see you.
And I love you, is what you're saying with those.
Eyes, is what I'm saying the serious question that we haven't asked yet, and I hate to make it this close to home for you.
Cheap petilla.
How much milk do you keep in your fridge 'cause if he's going to town on my milk.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
I want to know that there's a little bit left when I get home.
Also, is your wife in the house?
Little bit of an addendum.
There she's recording.
But look, if someone were to come in the house, she's going to hear it, so I'm very confident.
You know again, what the stabber wants from me is to call her up, scared, worried, and to rush home Dr. Dangerously not wear a seat belt.
Yeah, I want to do please.
You know what?
I'm going.
To do, though, is continue with my show and have faith that my wife, who probably is wearing headphones and talking into a microphone.
Yeah.
She is.
I'm watching the Twitch live stream of her podcast, Right.
You're watching it right now.
I'm watching it right now.
She's there.
There's no one in the background doesn't play by play play by.
Right now she's she's ranting about something.
I can't really understand something about gonna play spooky music so we can make this more Halloween something.
About rights and then ohh.
Yeah, you do have that dark closet right behind her where she records.
It's just.
Well, it's for the sound.
Yeah, and the doors.
Yeah, so you got an open dark closet for the sound and open the door.
Oh my God, there's a, there's a there's a light fading up and I'm seeing a a white mask.
Is it a glimmer, or is it a glimmer or a glint?
That's a very good question.
You know, that's a good question.
You know, I'm going to write into the chat.
Is that a glimmer or a glint behind you?
Oh, OK.
The stream just went dead.
You don't know what happened.
There goes your Internet, Internet.
And that's worse when you lose your Internet when you're in the middle of T.
Mobile.
You have that T-Mobile landline Internet.
Yeah, that's not going to work for you.
Big, thick T-Mobile landline of the house to.
Get some decent.
Brother.
Wi-Fi, they call it.
Yeah, so I'm going to say yeah, your your your LAN is not working there.
So I would definitely.
Look and then I got to assume and I don't want to assume.
But I gotta assume my wife did the smart thing and decided to go to the library to finish recording.
So she could use wireless.
So.
There.
I I love when people record this case at the library.
I love that just out in the middle and that one middle table, you always want to do your work on your taxes, but then they do it.
Excuse.
Me.
Good.
Sir, I know you're looking at porn in the middle of the library, but could you turn the volume down for a second?
I gotta talk.
True crime.
Well, cheap.
It's all I gotta say.
I'm not worried about your wife.
I'm not worried about her at all.
And the reasoning for that is, if there's one thing I know about your wife, she's a very foxy lady.
I'm just saying your wife is very attractive and I hope she survives.
Happy Halloween.
Everybody can't.
Get in touch with my wife.
Oh no.
Yeah.
Always good to end on a question.
That's a real Halloween cliffhanger.
Yes.
Where people are like, Oh no, Chief Patolas wife.
Also also people are like Oh no Matthew Lillard, spinkers and Lernix.
I'm sure that'll turn out fine.
Yeah.
Yeah, good.
News.
He got him sewn right back on, right back.
Perfect.
Dad, Clyde, thank you for coming out the Hawk here.
Thank you for having me.
Oh my God, it's so good to have you here.
And this is going to come out the day before Halloween, so people are going to be in the.
Really spook Halloween.
I really freaked out about it, Yeah.
Really freak guys.
But I have to.
I'm a real prankster.
Yeah.
Yeah, I.
Couldn't sit still and just let people have a regular Halloween I.
Had oh God, no spook them.
Yeah, keep everyone on their toes.
I also really want to play the Bowser tit game where he's just like this is like him in the castle.
Well, you're like trying to get into the castle or or the.
He's on a boat.
He's on a boat.
Bowser's.
Bowser's ship, Bowser's.
Boat would add a different dimension if he was sort of, you know, wiggling his fingers, saying like he's.
Not that far off, honestly, In some of these games, yeah, I'm going to say.
Tits, that's what I'm after.
And and you know what?
She is kind of the only female form, right?
There's no other, there's no.
Other there's unlikely there's other tits out there.
So yeah it's not on.
You know, it's it's not, oh, it's a.
Horny Gazer.
It's a horny game.
Dan, thank you for coming on The Hawk.
I've known you for a very long time.
Also been a fan of you for such a long time.
Oh buddy and I am a fan for such a long time and we met for the first time today, so.
Crazy.
And the funny part, I mean, I, you know, we we went to the same college, didn't know each other at the college.
No.
Oh wow.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, we 'cause you were a little bit right after and my I my, I believe my wife was asked to be on the Slow Children at.
Play.
I don't know if you were ever out there, but and she was like, I'm good.
Good for her.
I was desperate to be.
In there, I was too busy doing hardcore to pay attention to any of that.
But then we met at UCB and we we also had the To me, it's one of the great signs of this, you know, important comedic powerhouse of how weirdly poorly run it was that I was trying to be a teacher and you had just become a teacher.
And to do that, you had to shadow someone and then take over one class.
That's all I had to do.
And I shadowed this guy Lee, and then he was out the day that I was supposed to be doing it.
And then you were the sub and you, it was your first class teaching.
And we both were like.
I guess we should just split it or something and then after Will Hines, who was our boss, he goes, Well, that's not exactly how I planned it, but I don't know.
I guess you're a teacher.
Cool. 8 1/2 years later, that's how my career started.
But Pangea 3001 of my favorite teams?
Teen Wheels.
One of my favorite series ever.
I I always forget the model name one.
What was the model?
Mediocre models?
Mediocre models?
Yes.
We get a series called Mediocre Models about like Catalog Models, yes.
Well, we tried.
We only did one episode, I think.
Yeah, I mean I was always like so envious just cause me and Emily Strong were doing stuff at that time.
And then I was like, ohh, you're getting to do the same shit.
But, like, I was like, I need to be more with those three.
You and your lovely wife, Kelly.
It was just at the time, you know, 'cause I was just like, oh, I'm.
I was so envious of how good in a good way, how great Teen Wheels was.
Wow.
Well.
Thank you.
I really appreciate that.
And guess what, Jeff?
You can do it too.
Oh, thanks so much.
Thank you.
So do it.
Yes.
The question though, we always ask Dan and there, what was your relationship Slash is with Rock Slash, classic rock growing up.
We had in New Jersey we had 104.3, was it the No Q 104.3?
So that was a great heritage station.
Yes.
And I got into classic rock, probably in high schoolish, because that was for me when we had one friend who probably from it, like had OCD and no one understood it or was like on the spectrum but like made an entire catalog of MP threes that he had been downloading through Napster and stuff and you could buy.
Burn.
He would burn you CD's with like, the track list that you wanted.
Oh my God.
And that is when I started to he like.
So he'd give send you like the list and then you would pick like a certain amount, I think the.
List was printed perfect.
Like there was AI want to say there was a binder.
That's kind of what I.
Every word of this is of a very specific age.
Yes, time and.
That's when I feel like we started to hear like, 'cause you had access to songs that you've heard before but didn't know who it was.
I'm trying to think of a a good example of that, of like, you know, something.
I mean, not the best example, but like bang on the drum all day.
Like, is that Todd Rundgren?
That's Todd Rundgren, Yeah.
But, but something like that where you're like, oh, I've heard that song in a million movies, yeah.
But I've never known it had a name.
Yeah, it's like every Friday at the end of the work day on the Your Drive Home radio shift, they play at 5:00.
Yes.
So that's when I started to get into it.
And then, yeah, I feel like I got, I actually was over the pandemic.
I was listening to a lot of lead Zep again, Nice.
I was revisiting.
That's great.
Jamming out while washing the dishes?
Hell yeah.
Yeah, yeah, It's been a lot of classic rock and then bands.
That like imitate classic Rock.
You know, there was that band, Wolf Mother.
Oh yeah, I love Wolf Mother.
Yeah, I got.
Super into them for a while and I heard they had a new song and I was like, no offense to Wolf Mother, 'cause I still like them, but I was like, I can't believe they're like still imitating like a 40 year old or 50 year old sound.
I know Wolf Mother drove me nuts because Panthers.
My band lived in that world somewhat and had like one riff that was kind of close to that riff.
And so Vice had a lot of like, you could be like Wolf Mother, we could make you like Wolf Mother.
And I'd be like, just let us slip.
Please don't.
Well, then, I remember Tame Impala.
What kind of had they started as that?
Sort of, like, acid Rocky.
But now they're not.
They've moved on.
Yeah.
Which seems like the right choice.
Yeah, but not for love, mother.
They're not leaving it, man.
They're not leaving it.
I I heard that new song and I was, yeah, yeah.
It's like they're trying to record a Deep Purple record.
Yeah.
Every time they go into the studio, it's.
Cool.
I mean, I love that sound, but I can't believe that they it's like, well, those guys are have moved on and are dead.
Yeah.
And other bands that started during the revival that you were in have also moved on.
Trying to get another song that could be played in hockey arenas around the world.
Just like woman, I got your woman.
Yeah, and then there's a couple.
I think I actually even heard A wolf mother.
No, you know what it was?
I watched an old movie trailer.
And there was a Wolf Mother song.
And I was like, Oh yeah.
Was like, yeah. 2000. 10 or.
Something but.
So that is though the weird part because now we are in the cycle where that has cycled around, like I was just complaining the other night, there are like indie sleaze dance parties, which is what they're calling. 2000 to around 2007 like Rocky slash, Brooklyn Rocks slash.
Stroke.
Vice Magazine, Yes.
So, like and it's.
But like, I saw pictures of someone I know DJ ING at it and everyone's dressing like their Vice girls.
Like Vice magazine from like 2004.
Oh my.
God because.
And the Indies.
There's like an Indies sleaze.
Instagram.
I started looking and I was like, this is depressing me and making me feel so old.
Because it's like so old that it's retro.
But you're like, didn't that just happen it?
Feels recent like where I'm like no.
When I was like Orkin hardcore that was really old.
This is like not as much and it'll and also if you start going through the cow beds you'll see.
Some of the people that like, oh, that's me in that photo And then you'll look and you're like, Oh yeah, you became a real mom.
Like not just like, oh you're a mom but just like you gave up on everything.
You're just a real dad.
You just have like always a button down blue shirt and khaki with play.
It's like sort of thing.
Yeah.
Sorry man.
That was this time.
Yeah, that was just the time of my life.
I've moved on.
Unlike you, yeah.
Exactly.
I remember I mean and they wrong, I mean I have still the loser so, but Dan, thank you so much.
Thank you for coming on the hawk.
There was so many plugs.
Any plugs?
Anything you want to plug.
Have you got 2 great podcasts, Man Thinkers and Bible Brothers?
Yes, Man Thinkers is done, but it's still out there.
Still out there?
So please listen, 'cause I feel like not enough people have listened.
It's great.
It's so good.
Fake alt Right podcast.
And that was through big money players, right?
That's a good motto for most podcasts, by the way.
I think more people should have listened.
More people should have listened, but they're very busy listening to Jason Bateman.
So what can you do?
Get that smart?
She doesn't.
Want to listen to two very famous rich people?
Just be friends.
Yeah, you know.
Yeah, and then Bible Brothers, where good friend and comedy writer Robert Padnick and I are reading the Bible from the beginning to the end.
Can't recommend it enough.
It's the Bible is very weird and it's quite apartment for the current, the current times that we live in.
There's like literal biblical conflict going on in the Middle East right now, and that they talk about that in the Bible.
So you're saying everyone on Instagram should follow and listen to your take at it because you're the one that will be the one that's the official take.
That's the.
Official take We're starting a church or something.
A sect.
Yeah, yeah, the Bible.
Forget that Biden had that press conference where he said you should listen to the Bible Bros they got.
Check out these Bible boys, The hairy legs, the Bible Boys.
It didn't make any sense, but yes, he does want you to listen.
The President Wants perfect 108.9 The Hawk was created, written and performed by Jason Gore and Jeff Garlock.
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Please search for 108.9 The Hawk on any podcast provider or visit 1089thehawk.com.
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Comedy Writer
Dan Klein is a TV comedy writer/performer who most recently wrote for season 4 of Miracle Workers on TBS. Dan’s other writing credits include A.P. Bio, Great News, Wet Hot American Summer (Netflix), and Comedy Bang! Bang! His onscreen credits include Search Party, Wet Hot American Summer and Crashing (HBO). Dan was the first white man to co-host two podcasts: Man Thinkers and Bible Brothers. He loves watching basketball and playing Zelda. You may have seen him on the internet dancing to Funkytown.
